Haunted

Being too afraid to fall asleep is part of who I am.

When the show Medium came out in 2005, it was the first time I had seen bad dreams being depicted as normal, helpful, and romanticized. Finally, there was someone out there (that I was aware of) who was also terrorized many nights by their own brain. It took a total of three episodes for me to begin to wonder if maybe it was the dead trying to speak to me.

While I wanted to believe there was a true purpose in my sleepless nights and being terrorized frequently, it was hard to prove these dreams were some sort of messages from the “other side”. Some did turn into great stories which helped me keep my “A” in Creative Writing Class.

The truth is, I have been plagued by these things my entire life. Some of my earliest memories are of nightmares. Many times, I would wake with a start just like Allison DuBoise. Heavy breathing, trapped in whatever position I was in and desperate to shake the feeling of my personal horror film.

I remember talking myself up trying to find courage and slink my way to my parents room. They too, probably remember how often I would crawl into their bed only to realize I was now officially too afraid to sleep. There were hopes of my growing out of this cycle but it never happened. The dreams just became worse. I did however, begin to stay out of my parent’s bed at least.

Instead of being trapped in a castle with a witch who cut off my feet and attempted to serve me stew made from them (Christmas Eve 1997), I now watch my children or husband become obliterated. Sometimes, there is a maze of literal death my sleeping self has to navigate. What is interesting though is that these are not the only things I dream about.

Regularly, these nightmares revolve around a horrifying narrative of complete strangers (watched my “husband” get stabbed to death in front of me and then was stabbed myself while holding a baby girl that doesn’t exist). It’s always been chalked up to characters in my mind or maybe something seen during daily life. Oftentimes, they are so disturbing or reoccur enough I simply try to stay awake as long as possible.

When doctors have heard about my situation, the only remedy they seem to have are sleeping pills. Guess what they do? Trap me. Suddenly, there is no waking from the dream and the entire day I find myself in a dream like state. That plan was out.

Thankfully, there was a slight remedy my husband suggested- CBD and Magnesium. Those two and a plethora of nights listening to me say “I really don’t want to sleep right now” has helped ease the intensity and frequency of these dreams. Writing it out helps too but even then, I prefer to not acknowledge the sinister storylines.

Still, I wanted to understand why we have them. If humans experience this shit there must be an evolutionary reason.

So, naturally curious, I decided to go down a rabbit hole. Only, this one doesn’t go very deep because surprise, there isn’t much information about dreams. Scientists agree people have them but when it comes to actually studying them there is a huge gap of quantifiable data. It’s been agreed most people do dream. It’s also been agreed upon that only 4-7% of the American population have nightmares or report having nightmares frequently (Harvard Medical School). “Frequently” was noted to be about 1-4 times a week.

If that’s the case, I am plagued by them. If I only have 3-4 a week thanks to my home remedies, that is a blessing.

According to several projects focusing on nightmares, these pesky stories in our sleep are often caused by many underlying mental health conditions. Depression, PTSD, anxiety, and schizophrenia were the top contenders. Usually, with an uptick of nightmares, a flare up might be on the horizon. People who are prone to these mental health conditions or even a more negative interpretation of the world can be prone to these nightly wonders.

Kirstein Weir however, looked beyond the clinical explanation or triggers in her article Nightmares in adults: Symptoms, causes, and innovative, science-backed therapies. While she acknowledges the mental health concerns and triggers, she also brought in other clinical psychologists who suggested people who experience frequent nightmares have “thin barriers”. Basically, people who experience the world in a more abstract way (creatives) tend to have more frequent nightmares because “the brain hates ambiguity”(Weir).

In other words, the more abstract you process the world, the more likely your brain tries to correct the abstraction it created by recreating it in your sleep. Lovely.

But what was the benefit of this madness?

In his article Nightmares May be Good for You Russel Dirks explains how nightmares actually help people emotionally prepare for traumatic situations. He claims scientists have noted how these un-welcomed dreams can actually help us “act out potentially dangerous situations in real life” (Dirks). Apparently, there are several parts of our brain at work when these nightmares occur. Our cingula and insulate cortex’s (basically, they help regulate emotion and process sensory feelings) are at work during these personal terrors.

Dirks also suggests several studies have found people who experience frequent nightmares react to disturbing images or situations at a calmer rate. Which led scientists and researchers to believe nightmares may lead to a healthier and calmer reaction when in traumatic situations. In their studies, they concluded these nightmares could result in a more well rounded emotional regulation system.

If anything, that had to be the evolutionary benefit of these nightmares. At least there was a slight answer despite none of the articles discussing why sometimes I was not always in the dreams as myself but sometimes as random strangers.

Appreciative of this insight, it’s nice to know I am not as crazy as originally thought and that these dreams do have some sort of benefit. Maybe they are little warnings before I hit a “low”. Maybe it is my fucked up way to process the world around me. Or maybe, just maybe, there is a hint of the supernatural due to my “thin barrier”.

Deeks, Russell. “Nightmares May Be Good for You.” BBC Science Focus Magazine, 28 June 2022, www.sciencefocus.com/news/nightmares-may-be-good-for-you.

Home, hms.harvard.edu/news-events/publications-archive/brain/nightmares-brain. Accessed 30 Oct. 2025.

Jumah, Fareed R. “Neuroanatomy, Cingulate Cortex.” StatPearls [Internet]., U.S. National Library of Medicine, 6 Dec. 2022, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK537077/.

Monitor on Psychology, American Psychological Association, www.apa.org/monitor/2024/10/science-of-nightmares. Accessed 30 Oct. 2025.

Uddin, Lucina Q, et al. “Structure and Function of the Human Insula.” Journal of Clinical Neurophysiology : Official Publication of the American Electroencephalographic Society, U.S. National Library of Medicine, July 2017, pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6032992/.

When Disturbing Dreams Affect Quality of Life: Mental Health Nightmare Disorder and Treatment, adaa.org/learn-from-us/from-the-experts/blog-posts/consumer/when-disturbing-dreams-affect-quality-life. Accessed 30 Oct. 2025.